Hi, I'm a chronically ill person, and I don't like being told that I am lazy or useless when i am actively resting. Productivity or hustle culture tells us that the only way that we can be worthy of love and care is if we are doing something "useful" or "productive." Those of us who are chronically ill or disabled and may not have the same amount of energy as a neurotypical or abled person probably feel this the most, but this pressure is insidious throughout our whole society at large. If you are feeling the pressure (especially now as we reach about one year into a raging pandemic), I have a few things to say:
Your self worth is not dependent on how many things you cross off your to-do list. Not all of us have the same levels of ability when it comes to being "productive" and that's okay. I can't push through one more thing on my to-do list and not expect to deal with serious consequences from it tomorrow. And besides, you (and I) have inherent worth as human beings. We don't need to be beating ourselves up. Beating ourselves up and trying to do everything perfectly are not actually good strategies for achieving more and living a successful life. Also, if you smash your way through things that are not fulfilling and are exhausting, burnout is inevitable.
Rest is a need, not a want. A couple of years ago, I was sitting in a professor's office lamenting how hard things were for me at the time and telling her how exhausted I was. She turned to me and asked, "would you ever put the need to eat or drink above finishing an assignment?" "Sure," I said. Then, she said a sentence that changed my life: "For you (and honestly for most people), rest is not a luxury or a treat that you get to have after you finish all of the things you need to do, it is a need like eating, drinking or sleep." In a capitalist society that is riddled with self0improvement books and videos about "how to be more productive," we view rest as a treat. It's not. It's a necessity, and we better start learning that because the amount of burnout and overwhelmed people is growing.
You don't need to be useful. Whenever I am feeling the pressure to be more productive than I actually have energy for, I go back and watch this video by Jessica Kellgren-Fozard, one of my favorite chronic illness/disability Youtubers. She speaks about the myth that we all have to be useful all of the time. We all need to be bettering ourselves or making something or monetizing something. This, my friend is not the case.
"Artificial Milestones" will result in disappointment. How many times have you said, "I'll be happy when _______." I'll be happy when I finish cleaning my house, finish the semester, or write that article I've been meaning to write. But there's always another milestone when you get to that point. Not to mention the fact that viewing your life in that way stops you from actually engaging with the ups and the downs of the journey along the way. Yes, it feels good to achieve things (believe me, I know), but the percentage of time that you get to say, "hey I made it" is so minuscule compared to the experiences you had working towards that goal.
You are doing enough. I'm exhausted most of the time these days, and I bet many of your are as well. The constant uncertainty and onslaught of the pandemic has made life a little harder. But the standards should not be the same right now. You may not be able to achieve as much as you did pre-pandemic, and that's okay. As long as you are doing what you can, you are allowed to be proud of yourself. As long as you are continuing to exist through this mess of unprecedented times, you are doing okay. And if you need someone to tell you this today, I am proud of you. You are enough. You are worthy.
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