Emily Dana
Jewish Rituals for Hard Times
Our tradition has come up with a lot of rituals for a lot of different things, but it can be hard to find resources for the particular experiences that we may come to in this modern world
A prayer for a diagnosis
God I ask you for an answer
For an end to the pain of searching
Appointment after appointment, test after test
Coming out negative
God I ask you for an answer
Like Hannah on her knees
An end to the fear
That I’m making my pain up
God I ask you for an answer
For relief from the constant explaining
That is so often unrecognized
Just one word
God I ask you for an answer
Like the Israelites in the desert
An end to the liminal space
Between sick and well
God I ask you for a diagnosis
An explanation for years of symptoms
Whatever the prognosis
All I want is a diagnosis
A Prayer for After a Diagnosis
One day, one day, I’ll stop counting days
After my life changed by two words
Of course the ten commandments were only so many words
And the Israelites wandered for 40 years
God I ask you to make each day easier than the last
To remind me that I will learn
The Israelites had to build the Golden Calf in order to get to the Promised Land
This feels like Egypt; I don’t know what my next step is
God, please do not leave me alone in this barren wasteland
Walk with me as a cloud or pillar of fire
Allow me to be thankful for my answers
While holding fear at the same time
May I remember that I am never alone, even when I feel alone,
That there are those out there who understand
Those who can show me God’s love.